he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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