He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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