i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
