thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
