well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
