Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
