Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
