the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
