you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
