i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
