Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
