Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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