I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
