My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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