how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
