five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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