I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
