i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
