Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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