Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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