i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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