Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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