He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
