we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he fucked my hip out of place.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
