You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
