the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
