Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
