You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
