if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And then he peed in my hair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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