Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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