Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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