Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
