So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
