nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
