dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
