I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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