When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
