you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
