A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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