I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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