brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
