I need to stop coming to work sober
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
