Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
