So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
