if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
