How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
