I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
