Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
