he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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