I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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