i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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