apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
