Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
